tough gig

This mumma thing is hard. Yes it is absolutely the best thing EVER but at the same time is a really tough gig. There I said it, sometimes I think honestly is the best policy and sometimes us mumma's struggle and I am sure the daddy's do also. I certainly don't wish to sound negative but I have spent the last few weeks struggling with the myth that is 'motherhood'. You know the one portrayed by every nappy advert under the sun...giggling, sleeping, calming...when our life is more like...giggling, crying, giggling, tantruming, tiny bit of sleeep, calm, catastrophic, then giggling again. I am lucky enough to have some divine girlfriends around me (and a loving hubby) who have reassured me that my feelings of confusion and uncertainty are very normal. Miss T is still the most engaging, humorous and free spirited individual I have ever met however along side these sentiments I have been surprised and often stumped by the complexities that are motherhood and toddlerhood for that matter.

For years before the arrival of Miss T I dreamt of being a mumma. You know a calm divine earth mother who made her own play dough and never lost her cool. I dreamt of afternoons sipping coffee and tea and nibbling goodies with the girls uninterrupted ( HA!) while our charming kiddies played. I dreamt of endless cuddles and constant satisfaction. Of long walks with a happy bubba in her pram. Of mumma and bubba dates to the park or the local coffee shop where we were both just happy to sit together and laugh. My perception didn't involve sleep deprivation (STILL 1.5yrs on) and it certainly didn't include cooking ( I SUCK) and cleaning (YEP SUCK AGAIN). So I guess this is where I have come unstuck. My perception was totally off. For me anyway.

The hubby thinks I am in denial about being a mumma (He says this in the most endearing way I might add) and he also apparently loves that I am more like a teenager playing mum...And I guess I have to agree. I will never care about the best way to soak clothes or how to bake the tastiest pie or how to make play dough. It just isn't me. Actually I did consider making play dough one afternoon but quickly realised we only have pink Himalayan salt in the house and certainly not 1 kilo of it like the recipe required. There is nothing more I want than to be the best mumma for Miss T but at the same time I kind of don't want to pack baby wipes, nappies, snacks and a change of clothes just to grab a coffee that is likely to last 5 minutes...Does that make me less of a mumma. I am thinking no.

So seasoned mumma's out there I would love some pearls of wisdom to help me on my journey or mumma's a little less experienced like me what works for you or what have you found most challenging on your journey thus far?

Lucky Miss T has a surrogate Great Aunt who made her Playdough the other day :)

Miss T playing mumma x

every cloud has a silver lining

Last week in the world of Miss T was disastrous. There is no other way to describe the chaos that arrived at our doorstep. Hubby overseas for work, me pregnant and exhausted, Miss T sick- unable to drink, eat or suck her beloved dummy which equated to Miss T being unable to sleep for longer than 30 minutes at a time…the worst of the nights she clocked naps at 7.30-8.00, 10.00-10.30, 12.30-1.00, 4.30-5.00. Yep disaster.

I know chaos arrives at every doorstep from time to time but my goodness it doesn’t make it any easier. We made it through of course (with the help of amazing family and friends) and we are back to domestic bliss...or our variation of...with a healthy bubba, slightly more rested mumma and a present dadda. Miss T had her first play with one of her best buddies yesterday which injected us both with a whole lot of positive energy and in turn my optimism is peaking. Yes last week was disastrous but the silver lining...every cloud has one right... is that my dummy obsessed bubba was so betrayed by her sore mouth and sickness that she lost her relationship with her beloved. Miss T no longer searches for her dummy or needs it to sleep and her baby obsession is over. This can only be a good thing, a new found independence but I have also found myself from time to time feeling a little sad for her. She said goodbye to a special friend in the most abrupt manner and I also suspect said goodbye to babyhood forever.

The timing is uncanny as Miss T’s mumma (ok ME) is also saying goodbye to an era…my 20’s. As I hit the BIG 30 I feel incredibly grateful for the wonderful family and friends I have, for the fabulous husband and family we are building, for the chaos and bliss that is Miss T, for the amazing new friends I have made since embarking into motherhood, and for the blessed life we live (these are all my silver lining's)….but I do still feel a little pang of panic…Will I blink and wake up age 40, 50 or 60 and consequently Miss T 11, 21, 31? Am I saying goodbye to my bubba Miss T and hello to toddler Miss T and what else will change for me in my 30's...

Miss T with her beloved's back in the day...I couldn't help but revisit this photo.

playing with one of her besties

Little toddlers x

 

don't tell daddy

I had a moment driving Miss T home the other day from her Yaya’s. I realised that I was being a little bit of  a hypocrite and quite a cheeky Mumma. I was feeding my almost 1.5 year old an M&M at almost each traffic light just to keep her quiet. (yep you read that right!) Great strategy Mumma! At the time I felt quite guilty but this morning I am finding it quite funny. The poor hubby would have been scolded for this type of behaviour and in fact was somewhat recently…I hopped out of bed. The two of them were so peaceful on the couch watching basketball. Miss T was so content and quietly nibbling on something.

'what is she eating for breakfast?'

‘she wanted tiny teddies!’ 

‘so you gave her tiny teddies. Seriously!’

So how did we get to this moment of serious misjudgement by me...

1. I was tired after working

2. The little monkey wouldn’t stop crying hysterically

3. I was trying to sneak the odd M&M into my own mouth without her seeing

4.  She saw and she put out her sweet little hand and said ‘me’

I thought oh why not. Who will see. And one became two and two became three and so on... And why am I telling you this, I guess to clear my conscious and to proclaim I can do better! Don't get me wrong we give Miss T the odd treat but I am just thinking that perhaps a bartering system of chocolate for quiet isn't such a great idea. I am not naive enough to think there won't be more of these moments and I no doubt will use the old ' don't tell daddy' often over the next oh 20 years but I am hoping they will be few and far between.

Once my own dad told me ‘parents aren’t perfect, we all make mistakes and we are only learning' and right now this little pearl of wisdom is ringing true. Sorry no more M&M’S for you Miss T.


Miss T loving her 'Gumnut' freckle on a saturday morning at the markets.
A treat daddy knew about...

Photo's courtesy of Miss T's gorgeous godmother Aunty La

 

party in my tummy

We are whole heartily embracing what can only be called Miss T’s new obsession…the IPAD and more specifically the teletubbies (that smiling sun baby is genius) and Yo Gabba Gabba…I officially don’t care that we may have a fight on our hands when she is 5, 10 or 15 and won’t put the damn thing down but until then the IPAD is creating a happy bubba and therefore a happy mumma…happy daddy and happy Popo.

The wonders of technology are allowing a much more peaceful breakfast time and the occasional successful coffee in public. She loves watching her smiling sun baby while munching on toast and on two occasions so far we have actually sat for a coffee for over 20 minutes…unheard of for the last well, 16 months of our lives…Yes we sip our coffee to ‘there’s a party in my tummy, a party in my tummy, a party in my tummy'... or to the catch phrase ‘babies are awesome!’ from one of her favourite episodes, but hey you can’t have everything.

 

 

I am quietly hoping I am not the only one though and I look forward to hearing of your 'guilty pleasure'?

big girl? baby girl?

Ok we are back. I guess we have been busy. Me growing another little bubba human being and Miss T perfecting a fair few new skills

1. how to throw a good old tantrum (if this isn't the terrible 2's I am terrified!)
2. how to quack like a duck, bark like a dog (or Popo in our case) and roar like a lion
3. how to feed herself with a spoon (she has become quite the pro and really delights in this new skill)
4. An almost mature understanding of item in the house and who they belongs to…mum’s bag, dad’s hat, popo’s ball…she says and delivers...this seriously blows my mind.
5. And probably the most endearing of her new achievements…an absolute gusto ritual of saying goodbye or goodnight to Apollo. This involves a repetitive ‘night night Popo or bye Popo” followed by a massive cuddle and kiss on the lips. We do not leave the house or head to bed until this is completed.

Yes Miss T is growing up before our very eyes and most days we see this big girl who is well on her way to becoming a big sister in November.

But not on Tuesday. Instead I saw a baby girl, my precious baby girl terrified by a 4 year old Iron Man at the park. The playground was full of other little kiddies having a great time and Miss T seemed to be the only one impacted by a little boy dressed in costume from head to toe. I watched her spot him and observe him from a distance with serious concern before bursting into tears and running for comfort. And with me she sat until Iron Man headed home. I felt such compassion for her little mind that was trying to understand why he looked so different and so scary but I won’t lie, I quietly enjoyed the long cuddles and company I received at a pace so foreign in the busy world that is Miss T.

Keeping a close eye on Iron Man

Not convinced about this guy

 

FOMO

We have known for quite some time now that Miss T has a fear of missing out, you know the dreaded FOMO that prevents her from ever slowing the pace, or sleeping too long or sleeping at all when we have friends and family over. It's a facet of her robust personality that we have always found hilarious. Nothing changed on our recent trip to Bali. Miss T woke like clock work every morning at 4.30AM! (Woo! love a family holiday). Our fabulous 4.30am starts meant the hubby and I took turns on the graveyard shift and desperately waited for the sun to rise (while trying to entertain a highly 'spirited' 14 month old ) so we could make a dash to the beach and restore our sanity.

What we did however discover during our little get away was that mumma in fact also suffers from a severe case of  FOMO...we were lucky enough to have a divine nanny helping us with Miss T for portions of the day. While she took our darling to the kids club, for a swim at the pool or watched her while she slept, the hubby would routinely counsel me, mumma as I descended into a FOMO moment.
The hubby would whisper sweet words of encouragement to get me through...

'honey I know you want her to want to sit with us while we sip coffee but she wants to play with the kids and all the toys'
'you deserve a break'
'babe, she is sleeping your not missing out on anything'.

Now if I had known that for the entire week after returning from paradise Miss T was not going to sleep properly, nor sleep more than 30minutes max during the day( perhaps to catch up on our time apart!? Thoughtful daughter I have...) then maybe I would have dealt with my FOMO moments a little better bit who was to know...

Like mother like daughter it seems.

 

 

pure magic

Everyone tells you they grow up so fast. That before you know it they will be teenagers, getting married or having their own babies. They say that, believe it or not you will miss even the hardest moments and all those sleepless nights. And I believe them. My baby girl is growing up so fast. And over the last week or so (that has been a little trying- hand, foot and mouth virus for poor Miss T) I have tried to remember these words. When she has insisted on extra time, cuddles and attention even at 2am I have tried to remember these words.



I'm sorry my post has been a little delayed but with a sick, clingy bubba I have had to put Miss T first and to be honest I have felt like I have had little to offer. And any down time I have had, I have spent panicking about whether Miss T would be well enough for our up coming holiday in 5 sleeps time...And all I've got to say right now is, arn't they just pure magic. When Miss T hurled herself at me for extra cuddles all day today I knew it was her way of saying thank you. When she repeatadly said ' Dadda, bye bye Dadda' all morning long, I thought she certainly knows how to work her father. And when she proceeded to inform me that we were going for a walk by collecting her backpack, my hand AND by turning off the TV. I thought yep they are pure magic 

Trying to tell me something Miss T?

Even unwell this girl knows how to smile x

See you when we get back from our little getaway x