tough gig

This mumma thing is hard. Yes it is absolutely the best thing EVER but at the same time is a really tough gig. There I said it, sometimes I think honestly is the best policy and sometimes us mumma's struggle and I am sure the daddy's do also. I certainly don't wish to sound negative but I have spent the last few weeks struggling with the myth that is 'motherhood'. You know the one portrayed by every nappy advert under the sun...giggling, sleeping, calming...when our life is more like...giggling, crying, giggling, tantruming, tiny bit of sleeep, calm, catastrophic, then giggling again. I am lucky enough to have some divine girlfriends around me (and a loving hubby) who have reassured me that my feelings of confusion and uncertainty are very normal. Miss T is still the most engaging, humorous and free spirited individual I have ever met however along side these sentiments I have been surprised and often stumped by the complexities that are motherhood and toddlerhood for that matter.

For years before the arrival of Miss T I dreamt of being a mumma. You know a calm divine earth mother who made her own play dough and never lost her cool. I dreamt of afternoons sipping coffee and tea and nibbling goodies with the girls uninterrupted ( HA!) while our charming kiddies played. I dreamt of endless cuddles and constant satisfaction. Of long walks with a happy bubba in her pram. Of mumma and bubba dates to the park or the local coffee shop where we were both just happy to sit together and laugh. My perception didn't involve sleep deprivation (STILL 1.5yrs on) and it certainly didn't include cooking ( I SUCK) and cleaning (YEP SUCK AGAIN). So I guess this is where I have come unstuck. My perception was totally off. For me anyway.

The hubby thinks I am in denial about being a mumma (He says this in the most endearing way I might add) and he also apparently loves that I am more like a teenager playing mum...And I guess I have to agree. I will never care about the best way to soak clothes or how to bake the tastiest pie or how to make play dough. It just isn't me. Actually I did consider making play dough one afternoon but quickly realised we only have pink Himalayan salt in the house and certainly not 1 kilo of it like the recipe required. There is nothing more I want than to be the best mumma for Miss T but at the same time I kind of don't want to pack baby wipes, nappies, snacks and a change of clothes just to grab a coffee that is likely to last 5 minutes...Does that make me less of a mumma. I am thinking no.

So seasoned mumma's out there I would love some pearls of wisdom to help me on my journey or mumma's a little less experienced like me what works for you or what have you found most challenging on your journey thus far?

Lucky Miss T has a surrogate Great Aunt who made her Playdough the other day :)

Miss T playing mumma x

every cloud has a silver lining

Last week in the world of Miss T was disastrous. There is no other way to describe the chaos that arrived at our doorstep. Hubby overseas for work, me pregnant and exhausted, Miss T sick- unable to drink, eat or suck her beloved dummy which equated to Miss T being unable to sleep for longer than 30 minutes at a time…the worst of the nights she clocked naps at 7.30-8.00, 10.00-10.30, 12.30-1.00, 4.30-5.00. Yep disaster.

I know chaos arrives at every doorstep from time to time but my goodness it doesn’t make it any easier. We made it through of course (with the help of amazing family and friends) and we are back to domestic bliss...or our variation of...with a healthy bubba, slightly more rested mumma and a present dadda. Miss T had her first play with one of her best buddies yesterday which injected us both with a whole lot of positive energy and in turn my optimism is peaking. Yes last week was disastrous but the silver lining...every cloud has one right... is that my dummy obsessed bubba was so betrayed by her sore mouth and sickness that she lost her relationship with her beloved. Miss T no longer searches for her dummy or needs it to sleep and her baby obsession is over. This can only be a good thing, a new found independence but I have also found myself from time to time feeling a little sad for her. She said goodbye to a special friend in the most abrupt manner and I also suspect said goodbye to babyhood forever.

The timing is uncanny as Miss T’s mumma (ok ME) is also saying goodbye to an era…my 20’s. As I hit the BIG 30 I feel incredibly grateful for the wonderful family and friends I have, for the fabulous husband and family we are building, for the chaos and bliss that is Miss T, for the amazing new friends I have made since embarking into motherhood, and for the blessed life we live (these are all my silver lining's)….but I do still feel a little pang of panic…Will I blink and wake up age 40, 50 or 60 and consequently Miss T 11, 21, 31? Am I saying goodbye to my bubba Miss T and hello to toddler Miss T and what else will change for me in my 30's...

Miss T with her beloved's back in the day...I couldn't help but revisit this photo.

playing with one of her besties

Little toddlers x